I try not to dwell on the past for too long. Over the years, I have worked hard at paying attention to the present in preparation for whatever the future may hold. That was until it came to writing this bleeding book. A couple of times, I found myself struggling to piece together fragments of […]
Category: My own addiction
Connecting the Dots: Everything happens for a reason.
Today is a particularly poignant day. It is precisely 16 years since Dad took his last breath. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. Me and my sister found him on the living room floor in his flat, and despite looking like shit, he was in a positive mood. He reached out his […]
Hormones and the cycle of change – Part of a woman’s recovery that’s rarely talked about
Most people in recovery have heard Prochaska and DiClemente’s Stages of Change, but what about the monthly cycle. I have spoken to many women whose periods stopped during their using but came back with a vengeance when they started their recovery journey. “I mean as if us women don’t have enough emotional shit to deal […]
Letting go of Anger…
Haruki Murakami was quoted as saying that “once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive…But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in” This quote resonates with me, but what Haruki doesn’t mention […]
What was your Shirley Moment?
I watched Shirley valentine over Christmas; it was a welcome distraction from the boredom that comes in between Christmas Day and New Year, I laughed at her talking to the wall because I realised that used to me! I’ve always questioned everything; even as a kid, although I rarely voiced any of it because it […]
Christmas is coming… Check yourself before you wreck yourself
People look forward or dread Christmas day for many reasons, it can be an opportunity for relaxing or relapsing – you decide A Christmas Poem – By Fordy The pressure of family expectations. The awkward conversations with family members you speak to only once a year, Worrying about money, the money you haven’t got. A […]
How’s your resilience bank account looking
I always had a voice and an opinion, but I rarely voiced it, you see I grew up at a time surrounded with messages such as “kids should be seen and not heard” or “ya made ya bed now in it”. Emotions and feelings were either black or white, there was no room for any […]
Recovery Rush
I used to get my rush (or high) from Speed, Amphet. It was a rush like nothing I had ever had before, I felt invincible, something I hadn’t felt for years. it was physical, it was emotional. That small bit of white or pink powder could transport me from what was causing me pain and […]
Taming & unchaining shame
It’s been with me for years, I could best describe shame as being unable to say what I really wanted to say, suffocated by other people’s opinions or expectations. Sometimes my mind felt it felt like I was a contortionist, my thoughts and emotions were permanently being twisted into what I now understand to be […]
The importance of practising self-compassion in early recovery
I am not a woman faith, I simply cannot get my head around buying into ancient stories told many years ago, by a man who I have never met. But I did learn an important lesson during my early recovery and it was in a church. Years ago, I was at a friend’s house one […]
